Friday, 15 February 2013

[] The Art of Appraisal


Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".

Kumar: What? How come ' average ' ?

Big Boss: Because…err…uhh…you lack Functional knowledge.

Kumar: But last year you said I am a Functional expert and you put me in this project as a Functional Lead .

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your Functional knowledge has eroded this year.

Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn ' t see you sharing knowledge on Technical domain.

Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not a Technical guy, I am a Management Guy.

Big Boss: This is what I don ' t like about you. You give excuse for everything.

Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.

Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr…well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.

Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That ' s why you need to learn about it.

Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.

Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err…anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only ' average ' .

Kumar: Last year that process gave me ' excellent ' . This year just ' average ' ? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That ' s a complicated process. You don ' t want to hear.

Kumar: I ' ll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets ' average ' , whichever lands on table gets ' good ' , whichever we manage to catch gets ' excellent ' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets ' outstanding ' .

Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets ' poor ' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.

Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for ' outstanding ' ?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!

Kumar: *faints*

Moral Of the Story :

When your work speaks for itself, get out of the way.

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