Tuesday, 18 December 2012

[www.keralites.net] Six Techniques to develop Empathic Skills

 

Empathy is the skill to understand the emotions of people and to treat them according to their emotional reaction. This skill is closely linked with the emotional intelligence which is basically analyzing, assessing and managing the emotion of oneself and others. So by developing and practicing this skill not only you resolve someone's problems but also win their hearts.
 
Before you take the deep dive of empathic and Emotional Intelligence concepts, you must understand that human psychology is complex in its nature. Every soul on earth is unique; its uniqueness is dependent on several social, personal, financial and familial and circumstantial factors. Hence in order to understand the emotions of someone the above mentioned baselines have to be remembered all the times because this will prevent you imposing your personal thoughts and conclusion on someone for any given situation and hence helps you understand their unique perspective.

Now that you have concrete understanding on above concept, learn below techniques to build and enhance your empathic skills:
(article written by Junaid.Tahir)
1. Put yourself in their shoes. Involve yourself deeply in the situation in which the person is trapped. Try to evaluate/quantify the level of stress the person is in. Ask questions to understand more but remember not to bombard the person with so many questions as you might cause more stress adding fuel to the fire. Learn the concept "Seek First to understand then to be understood"® by Stephen R covey
2. Develop Stong Observatory Skills: Observing behaviors is the most important expertise while developing empathic skills. During the conversations try to read the person's mind however avoid instant judgment and conclusion. Be fair and slow in judging people. Avoid being reactive or explosive. Constantly observe the person during your conversation and try to find the most important 'point of concern' which matters the mostto the person. This will help understand the problem deeply and might also help you reaching the root of the issue.
3. Develop Analytical Skills: Analysis means to consider the situation from different angles and reaching to the root of the problem. This involves considering financial, technical, emotional, professional, logical and mental aspects of the situation. Also sometimes analytical skills require you to breakdown the given problem into smaller problems and then focus on the solution to each problem separately.
4. Handling the situation: Think what would you and how would you do if trapped in such tragic situation. Think if the person can follow the same methodology to fix the problem? Remember, every soul is unique so you must examine it according to the nature of the person and the circumstance the person is in. For example, you would handle a rich person trapped in the debt differently as compared to a poor person and differently for educated and less educated persons.
5. Effective Communication: Nearly all other skills are dependent on your Effective Communication skills. No matter how genius you are, you won't add value if you fail to express yourself properly and effectively. You can read my article on how to improve your Communication skills.
6. Follow up: Don't leave the person alone once you have helped by either giving advice or by fixing the problem. Follow up after adequate amount of time as the situation might have aroused again.



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M Junaid Tahir

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[www.keralites.net] 4 Secrets To Get Along With Diffucult People

 

1. Know Your Triggers
Self-knowledge is powerful.
We all have subjects and idiosyncrasies that push our buttons, and I can almost guarantee that the difficult person in your life knows what those arebut do you? Spend some time exploring what really ticks you off. Is it when somebody talks about politics, money, or your family?
Once you have your list of those trigger buttons, you are ready to arm yourself.
Create a plan. What will you do when the conversation steers dangerously close to one of your buttons?
You can practice deep breathing, take a short time-out, walk away from the conversation, or any combination of the three. Whatever allows you to center yourself and regain your focus on the purpose of the conversation will work.
2. The STOP Phrases
If you are having a conversation with a difficult person and you just want it to end, these phrases seem to do the trick (or at least take the wind out of the other persons sails).
Sorry you feel that way.
Thats your opinion.
Oh.
Perhaps youre right.
If you just repeat these phrases over and over during the conversation, eventually the other person will give up trying to get you to join the argument.
3. Resist the Temptation to get Sucked In
Difficult people want to engage you: dont fall for that trap. Listen to what youre saying: are you trying to justify, argue, defend, or explain your position? If you are, stop. If you dont, the conversation will just continue to go around in circles. You will never change the mind of a difficult personotherwise you probably wouldnt be seeing them as difficult.
4. The Big One
While the 3 secrets above can help you to avoid or get out of an uncomfortable conversation with a difficult person, there is one secret that can truly change your relationship with that person in your life: that secret is, that they are human, and are dealing with their own issues and their own crap that theyre bringing to the table.
Their difficult behaviors are benefiting them in some way that helps them deal with those issues, and most of the time their behavior has nothing to do with you.
A person might feel more secure when they are bullying someone or controlling others, or they might feel a sense of importance when theyre getting a lot of attentioneven negative attention. They might try to gain a sense of belonging by playing the victim and getting others to help them, or someone whos inflicting hurt and provoking hostility might be trying to protect his own sense of identity.
If we take the time to figure out what unconscious beliefs may be behind someones difficult behavior, we may be able to change our interaction with them and improve our relationship. Once you figure out what may be driving their behavior, you can begin to try different ways to help them get their emotional needs met without resorting to that behavior any longer.
The main idea here is to tap into your empathy pool and realize that the person you see as the bane of your existence is just another human being trying to get along as best they can.
A Final Thought
Yes, sometimes we have to disengage in order to save our sanity, but keep in mind that everybody is doing the best they can with the emotional tools they have at their disposal. It is possible to get past our reactions to their difficult behaviors so that we may be able to do our part in building a calmer, more productive relationship, and in the end, this is all we can truly controlour own reactions.
You never knowone day, you may actually look forward to seeing these people.
Featured photo credit: Businessman determined to tackle challenges via Shutterstock

M Junaid Tahir
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[www.keralites.net] Khatte-mitten khabhrain from around the world for 19/12/12

 

Health news…
Can humans swallow and breathe at the same time?
Human are the only mammals that can't perform this task. Human babies can until they re 9 months old. Then the voice box drops low in the neck allowing for a wide range of sounds for speech that other mammals don't have. But it takes away our ability to swallow, eat and drink at the same time.
Man to wife: "You paid a lot of money for your wedding dress. It seems like such a waste that you don't wear it more often."
Mindchow
I think it's all a matter of love. The more you love a memory, the stronger and stranger it is.
Tongue very much in cheek…
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steel from many is research.
Line Maro
Good evening. May a thorn sit down among the roses?
(Me: Pray, how "many" do you want to deflower?)
Health tip
Massing your heels and soles with ghee can lead to a good night's sleep.
(Me: Any alternative to sleeping pills and getting addicted is well worth a try).
This India, My India!
India lost $123 billion in black money in the past 10 years: report.
(Me: Looks, Indians among the biggest god-believers are also the most dishonest, too).
80-year-old litigant dies in court…
An 80-year-old litigant – a retired Indian Army captain – died of a cardiac arrest in the Bombay high court on Tuesday while waiting for his case to be heard.
(So what – his son can follow up the case and then his grandson…)
FIR against 2 KDMT employees in engine scam..
The Kalyan Dombivli Municipal Transport on Tuesday lodged an FIR against its chief mechanic Ananta Kandam and former depot manager, Vishwanath Borchate for their alleged role in the engine scam. The employees were involved in selling brand engines from buses and replacing them with used ones.
(Me: A brand new modus operandi to milk the state's coffers..)
Raja asks his wife what gift she would covet for their 40th wedding anniversary.
"How about a diamond necklace," he asks. \"Not really," she replies.
"A trendy sports car?"
"No," she responds.
"What about a vacation home in Kerala?"
She again rejects his offer.
Exasperated, he asks her: "What do you lime, honey?"
"Raja, I'd like a divorce," she demands.
"Sorry dear. I wasn't planning to spend so much!"
**
An immortal truism..
"As long as there is rape… there is not going to be any peace or justice or equality or freedom" – Andrea Dworkin
"You are not only responsible for what you say, but also for what you do not say" – Martin Luther
**
Tongue in cheek
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere" – Groucho Marx.
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