[www.keralites.net] CLASSIC DEFT DEFINITIONS - CRISP AND CLEAR

 

CLASSIC DEFT DEFINITIONS - CRISP AND CLEAR
 

Ant

A busy insect that still finds time to go to picnics.

 

Adder

Mathematically inclined snake.

 

Atheism

Non-prophet organization.

 

Babies

Nature's way of showing people what the world looks like at 2 a.m.

 

Baby sitter

A teenager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teenagers.

 

Buffet

A French word which means "Get up and get it yourself."

 

Charisma

That mysterious something that bald, dull billionaires have.

 

Comic books

The opera of the print media.

 

Drama

What literature does at night.

 

Ecstasy

Discovering a second layer of chocolates under the first.

 

Ego trip

Something that never gets you anywhere.

 

Emergency numbers

Police station, fire department, and places that deliver.

 

Eternity

The first 60 seconds of a blind date.

 

Etiquette

Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

 

Fancy Restaurant

One that serves cold soup on purpose.

 

Fear

Excitement in need of an attitude adjustment.

 

Great economist

Someone who, tomorrow, is perfectly capable of explaining why what he forecasted yesterday didn't happen today.

 

Kissing

A means of getting two people so close together that they can't see anything wrong with each other.

 

Marriage

A friendship recognized by the police.

 

Mobile phones

The only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest.

 

Net worth

Fisherman's income.

 

Perfectionist

A person who takes great pains and gives them to others.

 

Pessimist

Someone who complains of the noise when opportunity knocks.

 

Poise

The ability to continue speaking fluently while the other fellow is picking up the cheque.

 

Quartet

Where all four think the other three can't sing.

 

Real Patriot

The fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

 

Semiconductors

Part-time band leaders.

 

Slimming

Living beyond your seams.

 

Summer vacation

When parents suddenly realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.

 

Superstition

Dark side of wonder.

 

Tattoo

Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

 

Walking

A form of exercise that loses some appeal when it's done behind a lawn mower.

 

Workaholic

Someone whose favorite entertainment is Monday morning.

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[www.keralites.net] Fwd: Fw: Are You There, God? It's Me, Dog.

 

Are You There, God? It's Me, Dog. 

Like all of God's creatures, sometimes the dog has some questions he'd like to get answered, and if we could understand their nightly prayers, maybe they would sound something like this...

Dear God: Is it on purpose that our Names are spelled the same, only in reverse?

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or will it be the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We love a nice car ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?

Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs,electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there any mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Here is a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog:   1. I will not eat the cat's food before he eats it or after he throws it up.    2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.   3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.   4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.   5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.   6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.   7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.   8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.   9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.   10. I will not come in from outside, and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.   11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room, and lick my crotch.   12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy', so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven, will I still be neutered?

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[www.keralites.net] Keralites Fun Posts

 

Little Boy Gets Very Emotional Listening to a Sad Song

This 4-year-old boy really loves 'Say Something' by A Great Big World feat. Christina Aguilera...

Gibbon Giving the Unexpected Surprise

Naughty gibbon was playing and having a great time, as he is demonstrating his skills on the rope, when suddenly gives the crowd an Unexpected Surprise...

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[www.keralites.net] Nazriya

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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