Monday, 11 February 2013

[www.keralites.net] khatte-mitten khabharain from around the world

 

The zaniest, zingiest joke of our times…

King fissure

One time Vijay Mallya had piles of cash, now the cash is gone and only piles remain. The condition is medically called King Fissure.

(Me: To those who came in late and who are blissfully unaware of current affairs in the country. Vijay Mallya is better known as King of Good Times and Liquor baron, as he (1) owns the largest India-made foreign liquor biz and (2) sponsors the highly publicized Ferrari racing in India. He also owns the King Fisher, once considered the finest airline in India for its superb service and punctuality, which is now fast sinking like a stone…).

Notice on a temple wall…

Please do not leave your spouse alone in crowded areas… if they get lost you may mistakenly think it is an answer to your prayers…

(Me: doesn't apply to my biwi, plz..).

**

Old's still gold humour…

Two difficult things..

To plant your ideas in someone else's head.

To put someone else's money in your own pocket.

No one who succeeds in the first one is called a Teacher. The second is called a Businessman. The one who succeeds in both is called a wife. The one who fails in both is called a Husband!

**

Khushwant Singh in HT today…

"Watching the Republic Day parade down Rajpath, I wondered what the scene would have been like if the mutineers, as the British called them, Freedom Fighters as we honour them, had won the day. For one, we wouldn't have celebrated it as the Republic we call ourselves but a monarchy ruled over by one of the descendants of Bahadur Shah Zafar. We would have celebrated the birthday of one of his descendants according to the Hijri Calendar; not the Roman as we do. The Hijri is shorter than the Roman. So the Coronation Day would have come in different seasons. Nevertheless, it is a good excuse to pay homage to the last Mughal Emperor Bahadur Shah Zafar (b.1775) who died in exile in Rangoon in 1862. He was a better poet i.e. lover of life (he had a vast harem of beauties to keep him happy in his palace in the Red Fort" (the rest of his quote is highly readable, too…chk it out in HT)

(Me: How refreshingly different the take is and how true the supposition is! KS is the one and only columnist-journalist I revere in India: he is soooo very unlike the rest of his tribe, all pompous, hypocrites and self-righteously opinionated. Of course, I don't subscribe to what I consider KS's woolly headed views of certain things..)

**

Social network etiquette: You shall not hold a long conversation under someone's status post.

(Me: Lol!)

**

Health news…

How common is cancer among young adults?

Each year 70,000 young adults between the ages of 15 and 39 are diagnosed with cancer.

**

Mindchow

I restore myself when I am alone.

Line Maro

Hey, is it just me, or we are destined to be married?

(Me: ya, n live in hell forever….)

**

Health tips..

Stress is a serious factor for acne. Regular exercising can help deal with it.

(Me: Another reason why you should exercise regularly...)

**

Weird world…

Belgian postal office launches chocolate stamps you can taste

To celebrate the country's popular national delicacy, the Belgium Post Office is launching five chocolate stamps next month. The stamps taste and smell of chocolate, confirming the country's status as one of the finest chocolatiers.

(Me: The postal service is in doldrums with telecom/cellphone services having taken over the world by storm. Since chocolate is on everyone's lips and heart, the idea should work wonders to revive the fortunes of postal departments everywhere)

**

Cartoon quip…

Billboard: "The ART of LIVING"

(within one's means)

Week-end course. Contact…

Blurb: "Aha! Now there's a course we NEED to take"

*

"A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it" – Oscar Wilde.

(Me: literally true – statement, that is. But sentimental Indians fall for it – a man goes on a long hunger (or more aptly, HUNGAMA) strike or satyagraya in the local lingo (and dies sometimes), and the government of day under pressure from lay public, grants/sanctions his not-so worthy cause…).

**

This India…

In Chandigarh, an Income-tax Officer held on graft charges. Rs.3 crores recovered…

**

And the parting shot for the day…

A cricket coach was annoyed with a young batsman who was getting beaten facing inswingers.

"Come give me the bat and I'll show you how to play," he said and asked the blower to keep the inswingers coming.

The first ball was a perfect one which came in from outside the offstump. Before the coach put his bat out, he was clean bowled. The second one was slower but the coach failed to read it and saw the ball knocking off the bails. The third deliver was the fastest and sent the stumps cartwheeling before the coach could even blink.

The coat was thoroughly embarrassed but wouldn't let his pride be hurt. He threw his bat down and told the batsman, "This is how you have been playing! Stop that now."

(Me: hahahaha. Bt for heaven's sake, don't dismiss it as a joke. This is how ALL the variants of 'experts" – in the field economics/finance, sports, military, administration, etc. – speak/write: when all their punditry goes haywire, they come out with lame excuses…or worse, don't talk about it at all)


cris iyer
facebook.com/crisiyer


www.keralites.net

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