Monday, 16 January 2012

[] You too will become a mother-in-law


You too will become a mother-in-law.

With reference to Ranjani Sathish's article ( The Hindu , Open Page November 27, 2011) on difficulties faced by daughters-in-law, here are points worth considering for making the married life happy and stress-free.

The wife and the husband have to work in unison like bullocks in a cart. There has to be mutual trust and genuine concern for the welfare of the partner.

The wedding hoopla does not connote automatic happiness thereafter. It calls for making willing, cheerful adjustments everyday throughout life.

Once a daughter-in-law herself, the mother-in-law can understand and accommodate the needs of the daughter-in-law. She should view her mother-in-law as a person with more than 25 years of experience in home management and feel happy that she has such a person as a guide and mentor. Remember that in any organisation, the fresher is not given independent charge of any assignment.

The mother-in-law, just like the mother of the girl, is 25-30 years senior and no longer in the pink of her health. Unlike the girl's bonds with her parents, which start from birth, the bond with the in-laws is formed just at the time of wedding. It needs careful nurturing to make it strong.

The talk of freedom to do what pleases her without interference is meaningless. Nobody including the Prime Minister has total freedom. We are all interdependent. Happiness prevails in the family only when all members trust one another. Once she earns the trust of her mother-in-law, the girl will gradually get more freedom. This will also help to strengthen her bonding with her husband.

Before marriage, boys and girls live a carefree life, fall into an irregular routine they sleep very late, get up very late and then rush to college or work. On weekends and holidays, they try make up for the sleep backlog. They have no time to take care of their own needs and the parents help them out. Their lapses are condoned, their failings ignored. The parents entertain fond hopes that their wards will somehow become alright after marriage, realising their responsibility. Earlier, girls used to get trained before marriage in home management. Nowadays, in their pursuit of a career, this important training is totally missing.

Even, mothers find fault with the attitudes and ways of their daughters and express their unhappiness to them. Since the bonding is strong, the daughters do not feel hurt. But even mild comments from in-laws are painful, because the bonding is yet to become strong. Girls, who develop the habit of helping their mothers, would find no problem doing the same to their mothers-in-law.

Modern education, while building up confidence, seems to result in loss of humility. The atmosphere in many homes does not help to counteract this trend. As a result, many boys and girls tend to think that they already know everything. Thus they feel there is no need for elders to guide them.

Because of the present trend of small families, often one son or daughter, children tend to become more self-centred and have little or no concern for others. Some become adamant and are prone to depression. Parents need to temper their affection with discipline and right guidance.

Entering marriage with an open mind and trust and making adjustments willingly will contribute immensely to happiness.


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