Thursday 13 October 2016

[www.keralites.net] When Child Manipulates you

 

Do you feel pressurized by your child? You don't want to. is your child making you do things which you do not like. Do the tantrums make you give in each time? Do you feel like teaching your child a lesson? How much is too much? Does your child display the following behaviour patterns?

You refuse a chocolate and he goes to his grandparent to extract the same.

so many small problems like this is making distress to you?

If you have answered "Yes" to even four of the above situations, chances are that you are feeling manipulated by your child. If it happens frequently, both you and your child may be in trouble - you may feel angry, frustrated, cheated and bitter and may then react by punishing, ignoring, scolding or criticizing the child. However, this only perpetuates the vicious cycle.

 

What to Do?

Remember that you, as a parent, will need to take responsibility and make positive changes before you expect your child to do the same.

The next time you feel manipulated by your child take a step back and try to get a clear view - why is your child doing this? Think of what you can do differently to address core needs and change the repetitive behaviour patterns.

Try not to react from a negative mind-space; respond instead from a reflective, firm but compassionate standpoint. Know this: If the repetitive patterns of manipulation and power struggle are allowed to continue till teenage years, it can take up complex and dangerous proportions that may need professional help. The best thing to do is to prevent such patterns from forming or to nip them in the bud whenever they surface.

And remember that there are no shortcuts to your actions you need to make in terms of time, caring, sharing, listening and empathising with your children. If both parents are working both requires special mind set for handling the child.

Why It Happens?

Children usually manipulate when their needs are not met. Most often than not, it is our love and affection that they are seeking. A tantrum or bullying a sibling may be the only way to communicate that he is feeling unloved or ignored. A toy, for instance, for which he has a complete meltdown, could be a substitute for the love he hankers for. Children manipulate when they want to feel powerful and important. They take on to behaving irrationally when they feel left-out. Manipulation is a way to cover up when they fear punishment, humiliation or shame. And lastly, they may do it because they simply want to have their way! Recognise the behaviour for what it is.

You have to exhibite varied behaviour in yourself so that child can learn from it. You have to have special know-how for good mind growth of your child.

Understanding Problems and Working

Children have to deal with change, loss, violence, criticism, low self-esteem, and their own body phisiology as they move through rapid growth periods over short periods of time. There are many tasks they have to overcome like making new friends, handling bullies, unfamiliar school work, education, sport and all this time trying to "belong". Sometimes the comparison to others can make feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem or even depression rise to the surface.

Children show their reaction by stress, violence, low self-esteem, grief and loss in many different ways. Their marks in school may begin to drop. The child may become forgetful, distracted, angry, irritable and even violent. They might become accident-prone or have headaches or an upset stomach.

They might start to bite nails or pull hair. Bed-wetting (enuresis) may start happening. Particular health problems like asthma and hay fever may become prevalent. Stammering may become more prominent. Various kinds of habitual spasms, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) may come.

A child may start to dislike school, perhaps having trouble with other pupils or teachers. They might become overly shy or worried about talking in front of the class, be unable to understand a subject, or other incidences that cause them to have difficulties with their education.

Other fears can come like - fear of the dark; the fear of going to sleep; fear of animals or insects; fear of travelling; a phobia of needles, doctors; fear of people, etc.

The parents efforts doesn't seem to change the situation. From school problems can become intense or school is unable to solve individual problems
Medicines will do very little benefit. Only hypnotherapy can resolve the problems.

Procedure of hypnotherapy - help child relax by having him sit comfortably in a chair where it is quiet and there are no distractions.. - help child relax by having him close his eyes and take slow, deep breaths. Tell him to think about a particular object, or have him picture a place where he feels safe and happy. Children respond incredibly well to stories, visualizations, imaginative games and other simple tools. Imagine taking off in a space craft or taking part in their favorite television program or movie.

Child wants to make the change and is prepared to work with me. During the therapy, I use simple methods that might include things such as stories, visualization, pretending hero and media characters, and other imagination tools, often based upon the child's interests.

If your child is restless you need to have a lot of patience. Once your child is very relaxed you can make some empowering, suggestive statements.

I advice introduce positive affirmations to the child. For example, being more relaxed, having more energy, feeling confident, feeling happy, liking you better, remembering more easily or reading faster. Children are very suggestible and respond well to these types of therapy. I also advice using stories, adventures, meeting a hero or even character from a favorite TV programme who advises child what to do, and these are all ideas that are easily accepted by young children.

elicit from them that they are strong, optimistic, determined or confident in other situations. Focusing on a positive element will help with the solution. By hypnotherapy children increase their confidence, start to do their homework, go to school, and even improve their marks at school. These also helps them with many other problems, like thumb sucking, bed wetting, nightmares, stealing, anger, aggression, and low self-esteem, separation anxiety, bereavement, food related problems and many other issues.

Time taken for success of treatment depends on parent's cooperation and how they follow the exercise with child. Parent's cooperation is of utmost importance. 4 to 6 months are optimum period. Later on in life, once child takes up the instructions they do well and progress well.
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Posted by: Cool Kis <cooolkis@gmail.com>
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