Hallo Mr. Gopi Nair
Went thru your msg and understand your concern regarding the Indian culture and also the final narrowing down to "Malayali" family.
Culture basically begins at home. Its later on influenced by peers, colleagues and many other factors in the society. think little deeply, culture is basically a yardstick which is developed by we individuals. things which happened, rarely and behind closed doors earlier, are happening more often and in open now. thats all. Our own Mahabharatam is the very example of this.
As far as a guideline for good family, its ones own mind set, values.
There are many divorces today on account of independency. earlier, women used to be "in the relation" and suffer too, because of their dependency on their husbands for basic things and needs of life. The tolerance level used to be very high. I agree totally that small petty reasons should not be the reason for divorces. but one thing, any individual gets married wherein he/she expects security in all respects, financial, sexual, psychological and social. If none of these are met with, divorce is a better option. The pain and distress during and after divorce will certainly be less than the one while remaing in the relation. Thats the reason, why, under Law, there is a period of one year separation betweent man and wife. May be, during this period, they realise their misunderstandings and reconcile. Moreso, its better for the children. Children in a disturbed family are confused whom to listen to and obey. They donot understand who is correct and who is wrong !!
Relations are firm, not because of cultures but ONLY BECAUSE OF TRUST AND UNDERSTANDING. and when both are not there, its better to part.
Oru kettu kettiyal, athu avide murugi kidakkanam. A man should be capable of that, no lady will go astray...... know na, man is the provider !!!
The above stated are my views, nothing to be agreed upon, nor am i imposing it on anyone !
mitra
From: Gopinadhan Nair <peeyejee@yahoo.com>
To: Keralites <Keralites@YahooGroups.com>
Sent: Saturday, 22 October 2011 12:39 AM
Subject: Re: [www.keralites.net] Soo Sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel that the matter is connected with the Indian culture. The eminent Indian culture with firm relationships. We respect parent and elders. The integrity of this established family set up have been effected to a very high extend by various matters.
The existence of a family set up is by giving and taking. The attitude of finding fault on others and non- tolerance spoil family set up. Hopefully, 'Raamaayanam' will be a guide line for good family set up.
A small incident of dislike leads to divorce in many of the cases. It can be related with food, dress, sexual interest and such. Many cases the life partner do not like the strong established and positive relation the other have developed and maintaining with his/ her parents, brothers and sisters or with relatives and friends. Harmful level of selfishness plays a big role.
Involvement of certain forums (especially for ladies) plays un healthy role in widening the opinion difference between the couple. They treat men as enemies of ladies.
One of my close friend, working in media once interviewed, one of the lady activists (still in the field) working for the well beings of ladies categorically. She was having a clear attitude to analyze each and every incidents of turbulence in the post-marriage set up with the view like an advocate (I mean to look the incident from the angle of the wife and husband separately not with the basic view of a couple). She never encouraged the ladies to compromise with the situation but was happy in solving the matter in the court. She was not even supporting a closed room talk between the couple alone. My friend, who met her for an interview regarding family set up finally had to ask her, "Madam, I request for your view regarding Malayaali family set up, not of the husband and wife separately"
I know that many of the departed ladies and men are thinking at a later stage that divorce was an irreversible mistake in their life and are weeping for that.
I know that many of the departed ladies and men are thinking at a later stage that divorce was an irreversible mistake in their life and are weeping for that.
From the society, I understand that a major number of divorces are the results of immature and fully and wrongly supported thinking. The individuals (and forums) do not share the mental agony and immense stress the couple faces during and after the process of divorce.
However a minor number of cases developing from dis honesty need to be evaluated separately. I Malayalam there is a pro-verb " Azhickaan pattunnathu murikkaruthu"
Gopi Nair
To: Keralites <Keralites@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Thursday, 20 October 2011 4:42 PM
Subject: [www.keralites.net] Soo Sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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