Tuesday 18 October 2011

[www.keralites.net] Humorous Epitaphs

 

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Humorous Epitaphs

Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing
That made her go.
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Here lies the father of 29
There would have been more
But he didn't have time.
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Here lies my wife
  Here let her lie 
Now she has peace 
And so do I 
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Here lies a virgin
With her babe resting in her arms.
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Here lies Ned
There is nothing more to be said
Because we like to speak
well of the dead.
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Here lies Lester Moore,
  Four slugs from a forty-four.
No Les, No Moore. 
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In loving memory of Ellen Shannon, aged 25, 
Who was accidentally burned March 21, 1870, 
By the explosion of a lamp filled with R.E. Danforth's Non-explosive burning fluid. 
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Here lies an atheist,
All dressed up and,
No place to go.
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Here lays Butch, 
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger, 
But slow on the draw.
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She lived with her husband fifty years
And died in the confident hope of a better life.
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In Memory of Beza Wood 
Departed this life Nov. 2, 1837 Aged 45 yrs.
Here lies one Wood 
Enclosed in wood 
One Wood within another.
The outer wood is very good:
We cannot praise the other.
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Sacred to the memory of my husband John Barnes who died January 3, 1803 
His comely young widow,
 aged 23, has many qualifications of a good wife, 
and yearns to be comforted.
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Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
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 Harry Edsel Smith
Born 1903--Died 1942 
Looked up the elevator shaft 
to see if  the car was on 
the way down. 
It was.
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Honey you don't know 
what you did for me, 
Always playing the lottery.
The numbers you picked
 came in to play, 
Two days after you passed away.
For this, 
a huge monument I do erect,
 For now I get a yearly check.
How I wish you were alive,
 For now we are worth 8.5
 
(Actual epitaph of Elizabeth Rich,
 Eufala, Alabama)

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Under the sod, 
Under the trees, 
Lies the body of 
Bolivar Peas, 
Peas ain't here, 
Only the pod, 
Peas shelled out 
and went home to God.


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All I have and all that I am is by the Grace of God!Fun & Info @ Keralites.net


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