They say opposites attract and like ones repel. However, marriage involves a different set of algorithms altogether. It's far more complex and confusing. Relationship counsellors claim that there are certain measures couples can take to make this fragile bond an everlasting one. Here are six scientifically proven steps to a successful happily ever-after!
1. Spend similarly.
If you like to keep your wardrobe up to date with the latest fashion magazine in sight, and he prefers to live off his four pairs of jeans and shirts, this, according to the laws of love, is detrimental to your marriage. A recent study suggested that people who were financial opposites had greater conflicts over money and lower marital satisfaction in the end than those whose spending tendencies were similar. Even though a spendthrift will have greater debt when married to someone similar than when married to a tightwad, the spender is less likely to argue about money with their partner.
2. Be grateful for your relationship.
Be grateful for what you have, and the universe will give you more opportunities and situations to be grateful for. Most feel gratitude, but seldom relay these feelings to their partners, assuming that he or she just knows. Individuals who feel appreciated by their partners often hold less resentment over any imbalance in labour and feel more satisfaction in their relationships.
A study also suggested that spouses who use couple focused words such as 'we,' 'our' and 'us' when talking about a conflict show more affection, fewer negative behaviours such as anger, and lower physiological stress levels during disagreements. Using words that expressed separateness, such as 'I', 'you', and 'me', during the discussion was associated with dissatisfaction.
3. Have a rollicking time in bed.
You've likely met a neurotic in your lifetime, the person who gets upset easily, often has mood swings and worries constantly. Turns out, that personality trait doesn't mix well with relationships and is more strongly tied to negative marital outcomes than any other personality type. Frequent sex could be a solution. Even if the sex isn't good now, keep at it. Another study found that it may get better with age. Men in their 50s are more satisfied with their sex lives than men in their 30s and 40s as it improves the bond between partners.
4. Figure out your dynamic.
If your spouse already bugs you now, the future is bleak. Research suggests that couples view one another as even more irritating and demanding the longer they are together. Researchers asked 800 individuals about their level of negativity towards their partner, children and friends. Spouses and partners took the top slot as the most annoying. And the negative views of spouses tended to increase over time. However, this increase in negativity could be a normal part of relationships.
5. Stay strong.
While on the subject of spouses driving one another mad, not to worry, says a researcher who has found that some marriages actually thrive on negative behaviours. For couples with serious problems, the best way to breed a happier marriage, it seems is to place the blame on each other, tell the other person to change, and be less forgiving. In fact, a study has found that if unhappy couples practise same positive thoughts about behaviours, their relationships seems to get worse over time. There is evidence to suggest that placing blame and other negative exchanges can motivate partners to change. Research suggests that marriage counsellors might do well to encourage troubled couples to be more critical of one another.
6. Work hard at it.
Love can stand the test of time if you apply some elbow grease. In a study, researchers analysed surveys of several people, including couples in new relationships and marriages that had lasted at least 20 years. A high number of people were still very much in love with their long-term partners, though the researchers drew a distinction between romantic love, which can endure, and passionate or obsessive love, which tends to fade away soon.
The key to keeping that romance alive: hard work. Research has suggested that these couples spend time with each other and care about the relationship; they seem to be able to resolve conflicts relatively smoothly. Studies have also shown that novel experiences can stimulate the production of the neurochemicals dopamine and norepinephrine, which show up in the brain in the early, blissful stages of a relationship.
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Posted by: Fereshteh Jamshidi <fayjay81@yahoo.com>
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