RETIRED HUSBAND
After retiring, George's wife insisted that he accompany her on her trips to TESCO. (a British Supermarket Chain)
Unfortunately, like most men, George found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
Equally unfortunate, his wife is like most women - she loves to browse..
Yesterday his wife received the following letter from the local TESCO:
Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
(1.) January 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
(2.) February 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
(3.) February 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
(4.) February 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'..
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
(5.) March 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby
(6.) March 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
(7.) March 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
(8.) March 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
(9.) April 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
(10.) April 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
(11.) April 23: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
(12.) May 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.
(13...) May 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
(14.) May 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
(15.) June 5: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
(16.) June 14: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
If you don't send this to 12 of your dearest friends, you will be depriving them of some good humour.
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