[www.keralites.net] Best Funny Quotes

 

Best Funny Quotes

Like precious blossoms blooming in an arid and parched land, a smile has the power to attract. So give in to the magical appeal of the smile. Leave behind the desires of your wishful mind and lend a cheerful twist to life. Here are some of the best funny quotes that are sure to captivate you.

• Jimmy Durante
  My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

   

• Woody Allen
  The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

   

• Oscar Wilde
  I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

   

• Groucho Marx
  A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

   

• Fred Allen
  A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.

   

• George Bernard Shaw
  A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.                                                     (Thats how governments of India and USA are run ---- thanks to coalition governments)
  
   
• Fred Allen
  A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

   

• Robert McCloskey
  I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

   

• Mark Twain
  It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.

   

• Henry A. Kissinger
  There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

   

• Robert Frost
  A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain.

   

• Oscar Wilde
  By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.

   

• Winston Churchill
  I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter.

   

• Mae West
  When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

   

• Steven Wright
  Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!

   

• Charles Schulz
  Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.

   

• Jerry Seinfeld
  There's no such thing as fun for the whole family.

   

• Fred Allen
  I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

   

• Groucho Marx
  Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Here is a great pps for you.
 

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