It can happen for no apparent rhyme or reason; people using you, treating you like a dogsbody, walking all over you or not thinking about what you want or whats best for you. The trouble is, the more it happens, the more you feel like you cant change it; the more it happens the smaller you get. Here are some practical ways that you can stop being treated like a doormat, and start being treated with respect. If someone else is devaluing you theres a good chance that youre doing the same thing, so change has to start with you.Be radically honest with yourselfdo you feel like you deserve to be treated with respect? Do you feel worthy of respect and do you feel good enough to fit in? Change starts with you dialing up your self-worth; something that can be started in the following ways: a. Really give yourself credit for your achievementsall those things youve done and gone through in your life. One of the best things I heard from TVs Dr Phil was You teach people how to treat you. Thats bang-on. Your response to someones behaviour teaches them what is and isnt acceptable, so if you roll over and take whatever they give, the message is that its okay for them to do that. And people will always do what works for them until they have evidence that it doesnt work, or that theres a better way. Were kinda dumb like that. If someone is regularly treating you like a doormat, their behaviour is not okay. Your task, and I get how scary this might seem, is to change your response to start giving them that message.This doesnt have to be a big, dramatic showdown; it can be done gently and with the same respect that you want. You might be scared, but you know what you need to do. As the famous line goes, help them help you. Its great to do things for other people, unless the act of doing things for other people is how you get validation, of course. Being a people-pleaser might begin with the best intentions, but if youre not careul, you keep on doing so because you want to see how pleased they are with what youve done or even to hear those magic words: Thank you.Being a people-pleaser can turn you into a bottomless pitthat not only sees others take advantage of you, but seriously damages your self-esteem. People-pleasing is not a selfless act; its a selfish one. Its a flawed way to feel good about yourself, so stop it.How can you be more generous with yourself? And how would it be if you could be generous for others, not because of any validation but because theres value in the very act of giving? If youre used to people walking all over you, its likely that youre not used to asserting yourself. Youmight even feel like youre powerless, but I guarantee you that you have natural confidence that you can apply to start effecting change. Think of something you do, where the question of whether you can do it or never arises. This might be doing something you do at home (like cooking a meal, laughing with your partner or decorating a room), it might be something at work (like taking part in a meeting, writing a report or seeing a way through a problem) or it might be something you do socially (like chatting with a friend, ordering wine at a restaurant or meeting someone new). Natural confidence is being able to trust your behaviour with implicit faith in your abilities, so when youre doing something, theres no doubt about your ability to do ityou have full confidence.Applying that same sense of confidence to a new situation is what allows you to operate right at the edge or just out of your comfort zone, and this will feel uncomfortable. That feeling of discomfort isnt the enemy and it doesnt mean you dont have confidence, it just means youre someplace new.Trust yourself to do whats best. If your ill-treatment has been happening for some time you might be feeling isolated in your experience, so it can be extraordinarily useful and important to talk about it, or even toask for some support or help.Other people are going through what youre going through, and you dont have to do this alone. Asking someone you trust to talk about whats happening is not only a great way to offload a little, it just might allow you to step back enough to see a fresh perspective or another way through.You dont need anyone to fix things for you, so dont let that be your motivation herethe point is to connect with another human being so that youre supported through this. Think about this way: if a good friend of yours was going through the same thing, wouldnt you want to hear about it and support them in attaining something better? An easy life is one thing, but sticking your head in the sand and hoping things will fix themselves is crazyas is setting your expectations so low that you expect to be treated like a doormat.Theres a massive cost to lowering your expectations to that kind of level, and the act of lowering your expectations and accepting bad treatment can be more damaging in the long run that the bad treatment itself. Dont ever make assumptions about what you should put up with or what you should expect.If youre going to have any expectations about how things should go, base them on what youd love to see happen, not what you wish wasnt happening. If youve truly done all you can to change things and to stop being treated like a doormat and nothing seems to work, then get the hell out.Life is way too short to have your experience of it and your self-esteem damaged by someone else, and sometimes you need to make a brave choice. If you need to, be willing to remove yourself from the situation or relationship and start building the kind of life youd love to live. You dont need to keep on keeping on, and you dont need to put up with being treated like a doormat. You deserve better, so make a start.1. Start With You
b. Get to know your valuesthose things that are woven through you and are the cornerstones for who you are.
c. Prioritise the nourishment of your body, mind, and heartnobody else can keep you nourished and caring for yourself.2. Start Teaching Others
3. Stop Being a Bottomless Pit
4. Apply Confidence
5. Youre Not Alone
6. Raise Your Expectations
7. If All Else Fails
You Deserve Better
M Junaid Tahir 
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