Tongue very much in cheek…
"So long as you have food in your mouth, you have solved all questions for the time being" - Franz Kafka
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"Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before" – Mae West.
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When turkeys mate they think of swans..
(Me: Not just humour, but very much true, too, for when most men and women mate, they more often fantasize of their partners being a Salman or a Katrina.. That reminds me… in my time, the then reigning Dreamgirl was Hema and my room-mates would be dreaming of her, and I would wisecrack, who makes your mate ultimately doesn't matter much, because in the darkness of night you imagine her to be Hema, and in the day, you put a veil over her head, and visualize she is the dreamgal…)
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Man proposes, gets whacked!
A hapless romeo got down on one knee to ask his girlfriend to marry him in a shopping mall in Dubai, but she clumped him around the head with a busker's ukulele. The girl begged him to stop but he kept on singing cheesy lines. The girl then snatched the miniature guitar from one of the buskers and whacked her suitor round the head.
Our biggest blunders since Independence, if one were to recount…
Right from day one, no effort made to curb our population. Most of our problems owe their origins to the unchecked explosion.
Choosing the western model, particularly the English parliamentary one of democracy and jurisprudence. They work well in affluent, literate, homogenous (casteless) society with a manageable population. In contrast, in our contrast everything is done giving undue weightage caste considerations with an eye on their votes, and the illiterate masses go by their own caste man in any constituency and by the tall promises they make. Glaring examples are quotas and reservations in admission to colleges and jobs, merit be damned. And the outcome – we get third-rate results in every sphere. And the other pointer, is the depressing corruption in all spheres of life, and the increasing backlog of cases – said to be over 3 crores.
Creation of states on linguistic basis reinforcing parochialism and regionalism. As things stand, we can never have a central government with a pan-India perspective, as it is made up of mutually antagonistic and opportunistic coalition partners. The then leaders reportedly were against carving out such states, but being 'democrats by heart' they said they would go by the sentiments of the local population, so agreed to formation of such states as and when people of a region agitated violently, or someone or the other went on hunger strike (satyagraha) or self-immolated. But one understands that democracy is a rule by majority and doing things in national interest, and not one giving in to blackmail threats of some people – though they may be (or may not be) in majority in a particular area, they would be a miniscule minority in the country as a whole. One could therefore surmise the leaders were neither democrats nor served national interests. On the other hand, making the states region or zone wise – as the railways have done – with a compulsory national language, plus local languages and English as an optional language would have served the country far better contributing to a pan-India national feeling among the people cutting across barriers.
Food Security bill is purely a vote-catching technique, with no consideration on its cost to nation which means cost to the minority tax-paying public. In the next financial year, it's going to cost the national exchequer 1.3 lakh crores of rupees from the tax-payers' money. Secondly, procurement of the necessary foodgrains to feed 82 crore people (two-thirds the population) at vastly subsidized rates, will have to be done compulsorily, leaving very little – and very much lesser in drought years – thereby greatly increasing the open market prices for the remaining one-third tax-paying middle-class.
Our blind opposition to GM or genetically re-engineered, pest-resistant seeds and crops. When food situation turns bad or too costly for the country/tax-payers owing to galloping population and/or reduced crops in years ahead, (1) how will we make available subsidized food guaranteed by the Food Security Bill? and (2) the very same people who oppose GM now for far-fetched reasons would turn their tail and become turncoats, and blame the government for their short-sightedness in jettisoning GM – and we have a fine example – those who opposed FDI in retail and every other field are either quiet, or worse blaming the government for the rupee mess.
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In response to a recent piece on CAD (Current A/c Deficit), a friend wondered why India's manufacturing sector isn't picking up as they are in China, Korea, Taiwan, Singapore, Malaysia and Thailand and lamented that we are so lagging behind them. The reasons are simple: most Indian businessmen prefer to get key/critical electrical and electronic items or the whole items imported (e.g. ball bearings, electric fans, mother boards and CPU for PCs, the screens for panel TVs, microwave ovens, the latest Indian craze Induction cookers, and myriad such items) cheaply from these countries and sell them in India at exorbitant prices – at 300 to 400% profit. We can't make things at their price and quality, and there the hassles of getting licences, permits, bribing and labour issues, too, when you have a manufacturing set-up.
Teacher: Darran, go to the map and find America.
Darran: (pointing to the map) Here it is.
Teacher: Good, Now class, who discovered America?
Class: Darran!
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From the world of science…
Aloe vera contains anti-inflammatory compounds called glycoproteins which soothe the itching associated with drandruff.
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If you have a problem staying asleep at night, try drinking warm milk or chamomile tea before hitting the sack.
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Shopping in high heels can make you smarter: study.
Wearing high heels that force you to focus on 'balance' may lead you to make better choices and avoid splurging.
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Old's gold humour…
A young woman takes her boyfriend, a religious scholar, home. After dinner, her parents deide to find more about the young man.
"So, what are your plans?" the father asked.
"I'm a scholar," he replies.
"Good, but how will you provide a nice house for my daughter?"
"I will study, and God will provide for us," he says.
"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring?"
"I will study, and God will provide for us."
"And children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will provide"
The conversation continues like this. Later, his wife asks him how the interaction went. The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is, he thinks I'm God."
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Point and counter point…
News: Rich kids with poor grades may hit Oxford name.
Me: Poor kids with poor grades may any hit any school or university name far worse.
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