25 Best Political Jokes of the Month
1. Jon Stewart- "I wouldn't be surprised if President Obama learned Osama bin Laden had been killed when he saw himself announce it on television."
2. Jay Leno "President Obama says he is renewing his efforts to close Guantanamo Bay. How about closing the IRS? Why don't we do that? How about shipping the IRS to Guantanamo Bay?"
3. Jimmy Fallon "During his trip to Brazil on Friday, Joe Biden said he was having such a good time that he didn't want to go home. And that was just while he was riding on the baggage carousel at the airport."
4. Dennis Miller "Nobody in the press is going to bear in on this. Let's face facts: the American media is in an abusive relationship with Obama. They don't quite know what to do. If you take the New York Times, you could refer to it as 'Fifty Shades of Grey Lady.'"
5. Conan O'Brien "During a Senate hearing yesterday, Senator John McCain said it was too hard to always have to update apps on his iPhone. No one has the heart to tell him the device he was holding was a garage door opener."
6. Stephen Colbert "It seems like lately, President Obama cannot swing a dead cat without hitting some sort of scandal. Which reminds me, what's he doing with all of these dead cats?"
7. David Letterman "People always say this to me: 'Hey, Letterman,' they say. 'Why don't you make jokes about Obama?' All right, I'll tell you why. I don't make jokes about him because I don't want the FBI tapping my phone, that's why."
8. Jon Stewart Stewart slammed the IRS director who not only thought an apology was good enough for an IRS-related matter, but admitted she's not good at math. Stewart snarkily replied, "That's a good one, lady who works at the place that calculate people's taxes!"
9. Jay Leno "As for how much tax she's gonna have to pay on that $590 million, the IRS said it's too soon to tell, 'cause they don't know if she's a Republican or a Democrat. So, it's going to take a while to figure that out."
10. Conan O'Brien "A new report just came out. It says someone close to the president knew about the IRS scandal and kept his mouth shut. In other words, we can rule out Joe Biden."
11. Dennis Miller "Never has a guy been more out of the loop who I'm told is the center of it all," the comedian said of the president.
12. Conan O'Brien "President Obama is in a lot of hot water lately. Despite the scandals, 53 percent of Americans say they approve of the job he's doing. The other 47 percent are being audited."
13. David Letterman "I feel bad for Barack Obama. He's got the Benghazi scandal, the IRS scandal, and the FBI wiretapping phones. The president is in so much trouble politically, he's thinking about killing bin Laden again."
14. Jay Leno "President Obama gave the commencement address at Morehouse College over the weekend. Great speech, very inspiring. He told the young graduates their future is bright – unless, of course, they want jobs."
15. Bill Maher "Someone again sent the deadly poison Ricin to President Obama through the mail. These dumbasses, do they really think Obama opens his own mail? He doesn't' even know what the IRS and the Justice Departments are doing."
16. Dennis Miller "Holder is shakier than a jackhammer operator playing Jenga on his lunch break. And what about Jay Carney over there? He's got a worse bluff than Marty Feldman holding pocket aces. That cat blows more smoke than a Rastafarian's death rattle. Couple more weeks like this and Obama's gonna be claimin' he's Kenyan, claimin' he's Kenyan."
17. Jimmy Fallon "It was just revealed that the Department of Justice secretly recorded the phone calls of AP journalists for two months. Obama promised reporters that the incident will be immediately investigated – by the Department of Justice."
18. Jay Leno "White House officials insist that President Obama knew nothing about the IRS scandal until we all heard about it in the news last week. They said because there was an investigation under way, it would have been inappropriate to tell him. And besides, he was too busy not knowing anything about Benghazi."
19. Conan O'Brien "Since President Obama took office, the Democratic Party has lost nine governorships, 56 members of Congress, and two Senate seats. In his defense, Obama said, 'Well, I did promise change."
20. Seth Myers "IRS: No one needs to avoid scandals more than you. You're less popular with Americans than exercise."
21. Jimmy Fallon "Anthony Weiner is running for mayor of New York City and he had to change his campaign website yesterday because it accidentally showed a picture of the Pittsburgh skyline instead of Manhattan. Or as Weiner calls it, 'an embarrassing photo I can live with.'"
22. Jay Leno "It is not looking good for President Obama. Today, his teleprompter took the fifth. In fact, the White House has changed their slogan from, 'Yes, we can' to 'No, I can't remember.'"
23. Jon Stewart Recently, Stewart expressed mock sympathy for the IRS and indulged in a little schadenfraude, asking "Where's your receipts, ***holes?" Stewart wryly remarked, "Sucks to get audited, doesn't it?"
24. Charles Krauthammer "I think that Issa should not be making personal attacks or hurling epithets. Leave that to me, and to Steve [Hayes]. Mara [Liasson] I'm afraid won't participate. But Steve and I will take care of it. And I think he's wrong about saying that Carney's a paid liar. I've argued here for months that Carney is majorly underpaid, and I think that really is the problem." ( Oh I thought so ----looks like the ideal gossip monger)
25. Jay Leno "This week marks the 40th anniversary of the Watergate hearings. For those of you too young to remember, back then the administration had an enemies list. They were spying on reporters, and they used the IRS to harass groups they didn't like. Thank God those days are gone forever."
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