Most "loaded" and hilarious joke from our most loved Santa..
Teacher: Complete the sentence, "Early to bed and early to rise.."
Santa: "This man has no interested in his wife"
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A man staggers into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely informs him that he has already had too many and can't be served. The drunk is surprised, scoffs and staggers out of the front door. A few minutes later, he stumbles in by the side door and hollers for a drink. The bartender come over and politely but more firmly, refuses and offers to call a cab. The drunk looks at him for a moment angrily, curses and shuffles out. A little later, he comes in via the back door, plonks himself on a bar stool and shouts for a drink. The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.
The surprised drunk looks at the bartender, and in hopeless anguish, cries "MAAAN! How many bars do you work at?"
**
Tongue very much in cheek…
"Great and good men are seldom the same man" – Winston Churchill.
(Me: And the perfect example? Y, himself, of course..)
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"An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad to lie for his country" – Sir Henry Wotton.
(Me: Wot's the Big Deal in the quote? The job is his roji-roti – it earns him his daily bread and that of his family; he is paid for from the taxes from the people, so has got to be loyal to his paymasters, not a namak-haram, yani ki unworthy of his salt…)
**
Health news…
Is pork safe to eat?
A consumer reports investigation revealed that 69% of 200 raw pork samples tested were contaminated with a dangerous bacterial, yersinia enterocolitica. This pathogen causes fever with gastrointestinal illness, diarrhea, vomiting and stomach cramps.
(Me: And the porks available in Indian shops are a lot worse coz. the pigs mostly feed on human excreta to fatten themselves…).
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Keep your brains sharp. A life-time of mentally stimulating games can cut your risk of Alzheimer's by nearly a third.
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Scientists have created a potent new gene therapy technique, which could bring hope to millions crippled by arthritis pain. Not only does the wonder therapy stop the destruction of the joint, it appears to also protect against loss of cartilage.
Fact of the matter…
A sunset is usually more brilliant than a sunrise because of the dust and particles that are kicked up by the sun heating the ground creating thermals. The dust then refracts the light and creates colours in the sky.
(Me: I used to wonder why so, n now hv d answer…)
**
Mindchow
Learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else.
Doctor: I'm sorry Bill, but we have discovered you have a condition which only allows you another 6 weeks to live.
Bill: But Doctor, I feel great! I haven't felt better in years. This just can't be true. Isn't there anything I can do?
Doctor: Well, you might start going down the street to the new health spa and take a mud bath every day.
Bill: Will that cure me?
Doctor: No, but it will get you used to the dirt.
(Me: Lol! But it isn't a joke really… All that the all n sundry "health" spas that have mushroomed in large metro cities, do is gyp the gullible health faddists of their good money and take them on a jolly, highly expensive albeit, good ride…)
**
Sham glam Bollywood and the bogus news emanating from it…
"Never met Sallu: Chetan Bhagat"
"The report 'Sallu kicks back Chetn's script' in MM suggests that the producer Nadiadwalla and I (Chetan Bhagat) had a meeting with Salman Khan about Kick (a new under-production Hindi film), and Salman read the script page by page in front of us and expressed his concerns.
Well, none of this happened. In fact, I have not met Salman for the film even once." – Chetan Bhagat in MM, 15/3/13)
(Me: The film "news" is all penned by the publicity-hungry actors concerned themselves – or more correctly fabricated and ghost-written by their PR agencies and distributed to the media for promoting themselves or the movies they work in. They are best ignored and passed over..)
**
Weird world…
Chinese mice devour man's life savings..
Zhao Zhiyong, who has lived in Shanghai for around 10 years, was reportedly 'shocked' to return home to find that rodents had broken into his closet and munched their way through a stash of money he had been boarding.
**
12-yer-old brings $20,000 to school, gives it to friends…
A student at a Michigan middle school caused a stir when she showed up for class on Monday with her backpack stuffed full of $20,000 and proceeded to hand out $100 bills to her friends. The unnamed girl, 12, told police that she received the money from her friend who lives across the street from her home. The money is currently in the hands of the local police, although the girl's unidentified neighbours are claiming it is rightfully theirs.
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