Once upon a time, a person entered your life only to leave you with a sense of uncertainty. You made the best memories with them. There were late night calls, long drives, dates, lots of kisses and a perfect romance. But along with everything nice, there was a sense of emptiness. Something was always missing. It was the 'tag' of a relationship, but that was it. And now that it's over, you are left alone searching for answers.
If this is your story, you'll know what we're talking about.
1.You cannot refer to them as your ex.
You weren't together. In your head you were, but there were no defined boundaries or commitments that a relationship needs. Sadly, this was nothing but a 'complicated' relationship.
2. You keep re-analysing their texts and the conversations you had with them.
Looking back, you wonder about the other person's intentions.
3. You're constantly thinking about what you meant to them.
Were they playing with you? Or were they just bored?
Maybe timing ruined it. Or maybe it was you.
4. You don't know if you can ASK them questions.
Do they owe you any explanation?
Perhaps, not.
5. There's that awful feeling in your stomach when you think about them.
You're in two minds about how you feel about them. You know meeting them again will be hard. And you will be full of questions that don't have answers.
6. You're sure that it was not a fling. But then, what was it?
This one question is always on your mind.
7. You have become a guarded person.
It is scary to let people in, to trust them and deal with that sense of uncertainty. You don't know if you would want to invest in more chapters like these in the future.
8. You are confused about them.
You keep wondering what made you go all the way for them and if this relationship was a 'more than friends' or just a 'no-strings attached.'
9. It is very hard to call them friends.
Every time you use the word 'friends' for them , your heart breaks a little more.
10. You don't want to know if they've moved on.
It will worsen the debate between your mind and heart.
11. Closure is the word that haunts you the most.
It's natural to be restless. We can feel the hurt everyday and it's worse when you are unsure about how it ended. There is just no story to tell.
The reality is that you will never get closure and you should stop waiting for it. Honestly, even they don't know why they did what they did.
12. It is very hard to part ways with hope.
No matter how bitter we might be, somewhere in our hearts we are still hoping for the best. And in episodes like these where there was no beginning or end, you can't help but think about the possible chances of this turning into something more meaningful.
13. There are times when you blame yourself.
A part of you feels that you gave too much into it without thinking of the consequences. There are times your ego pulls you down. But maybe, you were not being realistic. It's okay to lose control once in a while. Believe it or not, you have learnt a lot about love, life and yourself from this almost-relationship.
The sad truth is that it was never meant to be. But it hurts the way a normal relationship would have. Forgive yourself for getting carried away. Promise yourself that your next relationship will have every bit of clarity and caution that your heart needs, because matters of the heart are not to be taken lightly.
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Posted by: Fereshteh Jamshidi <fayjay81@yahoo.com>
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