A first: male-bashing humour. This should mollify the ruffled feathers of my female friends who take umbrage at all the women-ridiculing jokes flying all around and those I quote often…
Q: What is a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know… it's never happened.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One… men will screw anything.
**
Doctor to patient: "I have the results of your CAT scan. All we found inside you was a big pile of disappointments and broken dreams."
**
From the science world…
2-year-old gets windpipe made from her stem cells..
Washington: Two-year-old Hannah W. lived her whole life in an intensive care unit with a breathing tube, as she was born without a windpipe and has been unable to talk, swallow or eat on her own.
Her medial team custom-designed a tube using tiny plastic fibers and bathed it in steam cells taken from her bone marrow to promote tissue growth. In a 9-year surgery on April 9, the bio-engineered windpipe was placed inside her. When she woke up after the operation she was breathing on her own for the first time in her life. Three weeks after the surgery, she's active and able to even taste her first lollipop.
(Me: Salute the medical science!)
**
A shirt that needs to be washed after 100 days..
New York: Who needs laundry? A US company claims to have developed an incredible shirt that can be worn for 100 days straight without needing a wash or ironing. The manufacturers claim the wool-blended shirt remains wrinkle-free and resists odour so effectively that it even smells fresh after being worn during rigorous exercise.
**
What are the sources of protein?
The top protein sources include: turkey and chicken breast, fish (tuna, salmon, halibut), mozzarella and cottage cheese, lean beef and veal, tofu, beans, eggs, yogurt, nuts and seeds.
(Me: hmmm. There is a notion – mistaken of course – that vegetarian food is far superior to non-veg)
**
Apply banana pulp to cracked heels. It penetrates deep into dry skin and moisturizes it.
**
To condition coloured hair, make a mixture of mayonnaise and vinegar and apply an hour before a head bath.
**
Fact of the matter..
A century ago, northern Thailand was covered with dense hardwood forests. Today only about 1/4 of the country remains wooded. Thailand has the second highest rate of forest loss in Southeast Asia. Only Singapore has lost more. Today, logging is banned in Thailand. Bangkok was once called the "Venice of the East' because its original buildings stood on stilts above the Chao Phraya River.
(Me: Singapore is the most developed, after Japan, in Asia. Of course, there is a price tag for progress n development)
**
Weird world…
Football player offers girlfriend as prize…
AC Milian footballer Mario Balotelli has given his rival football team Real Madrid an offer that they would really be said to refuse. The footballer has promised that he will let the rival football team sleep with his girlfriend Fanny Neguesha, if they can overturn the 4-1 loss in the first leg of the Champion's League tie against German side Borossia Dortmund. Real Madrid is known to boast of hotties like Cristiano Ronaldo and Xabi Alonso.
(Me: no wonder, footballers better known for their legs (or for their between their legs prowess) than for their head…)
**
Modern-day Robin Hood robs bank to help the homeless.
A modern-day Robin Hood has told a court that he has robbed a bank so he could give much of the money to people made homeless by repossessions. Corey D. said he took Pounds sterling 90,000 from a US lender to bail out those on the streets, who he met after losing his own home last year. "I came up with the idea that since the banks had been bailed out, and the people had not, I was going to confiscate money from US bank in Jackson, Wyoming, and redistribute it to the poor and homeless in America and that's what I did," said the 39-year old.
**
Man loses life savings in Carnival, wins giant banana!
New York: A man in the US los his entire savings of $2,600 (about Rs.1.35 lakhs) on a game called Tube of Fun at a carnival, and returned home with a giant stuffed banana with dreadlocks. Henry G. wanted to win an Xbox Kinect at the carnival in New Hampshire, but lost $300 on the game when the balls he tossed, bounced out of the tubs. Unfazed he went home to get rest of his money, which he lost in a few rounds of double or nothing. The man running the game gave back $600 and a stuffed banana. Henry has filed a complaint, saying the game was rigged.
(Me: Game or sports, losers are poor losers, haha)
Mindchow
Astonishment is the root of philosophy.
(Me: somehow philosophy n spiritualism themselves puzzle me no end…)
**
"A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others" – Iyn Rand.
**
Tongue very much in cheek..
"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives" – A. Sachs.
**
A state government employee stopped at a farm and told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a new road here."
The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go into that field."
The official was miffed, "I have the authority of the state government to go where I want. See this card?"
The old farmer went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the official running for his life, the farmer's prize bull after him. The bull was furious and was gaining on the official who shouted for help.
The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"
**
Pun fun…
"They've made a film on the Sharadha scam. It's called Chitty, Chitty, Bong Bong'," – Bachi Karkaria in ToI
No comments:
Post a Comment