[www.keralites.net] Did you marry the wrong person?

 

Did you marry the wrong person?

Most couples past the initial flush, start to wonder if they married wrong. Truthfully, there is no right person; there is only a right attitude
WATCHING a couple in their mid-30s with two young children talk intimately and smile at each other in the Shatabdi train, brought a smile to my face. It is heartening to see a married couple of some years with eyes only for each other. God knows there are so few around. Interestingly, I had seen another on my way to the station in Chandigarh; a Sikh couple, well past middle-age eating chaat at a roadside vendor's and talking animatedly with each other. "It's praying and eating together at the gurdwara that keeps them so close to each other," explained my mother, as she saw me admiring them.
Goodness, are we on our way to becoming cynical with regard to matrimonial bliss minus special divine blessing? I hope not. But the number of unhappy, disgruntled couples one comes across does make one wonder. A few years into matrimony, once the initial charm wears off, most start believing they have married the wrong partner. As the march of years weighs one down and the panic of approaching mortality strikes, it is common to list marriage to the 'wrong' person as one of life's biggest regrets. This is the easiest way of externalising all blame for what one perceives as failures of life. It is easy to imagine that you could have achieved more and been a happier person, had you married someone else.
This regret is not unlike the hypothetical thought — "Had I been born richer, wealthier, better looking, I would have done far better in life!" The only difference is that you cannot hold yourself responsible for the facts of your birth, but you have only yourself to congratulate or
blame for your choice of a partner.
The more choice one has, the
greater the stress and scope for regret and what-ifs. You do not blame
parents, siblings or children as being 'wrong' for you; since you never got to choose them, you just accept and work around them. But that doesn't hold true of your spouse. You choose him or her out of many, and so keep wondering all through life, if you did actually end up with the 'right' one. And the fact that you wonder, is what causes the problem.
Also, romantic literature and art have infused unhappiness in love with a certain romanticism that seems attractive. So, it is not uncommon to see lovers of literature indulging their romanticism by imagining themselves trapped in marriage with the wrong partner. One such 'sufferer' dramatically told me in a conversation, "I am leading a suffocating life, with no ventilator for self-expression." However, truthfully, the only cases where we can say one is stuck with a wrong spouse are those of domestic abuse, unhealthy practices such as substance abuse or chronic infidelity. The rest, I believe, can all be overcome.
Maudlin self-pity, the resort of the weak and cowardly, keeps us from taking a hard look at ourselves and examining if we really made the effort to do better in life and marriage, or were just content with our lot? Did we even make an effort to make the marriage work, rather than take refuge in declaring we got married to the wrong person? Do we even know who is, or was, the right person to marry? The truth is that there is no such one right person to marry. It is all very romantic to believe in soulmates and the one person God made for you, but the practical truth is that the success of a marriage lies not so much as in marrying the right person, as in adopting the right attitude towards your marriage and partner.
What then is the right attitude that ensures your marriage isn't wrong? The most important is the sincere intention to make your marriage work. Mutual respect comes a close second, followed by patience and the ability to strike an emotional interdependence and so, form an enduring attachment. It is important to surmount your ego and never stop making efforts to keep up a channel of constant interaction and some shared interest. The important thing to remember is it is never too late, if you make the right effort. You would be surprised; scratch the surface and you may find your partner just as eager to meet you half-way.
It is easy to figure out the health status of a marriage by just watching a couple when they are together or out amongst other people. Indeed, my respect for a man goes up several notches after studying the body language of his wife. Is she confident and fearless as she talks? Does she have an opinion to share? If yes, then she has surely been given due regard and space in her marital home. And if a man is well-groomed and steady, surely he is well-looked after and respected at home.

So either all of us are married 'wrong' or all of us are married 'right'.
I tend to believe the latter.

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[www.keralites.net] Mermaid Lady

The real-life mermaid who uses her £10,000 tail to swim with sharks and jellyfish - and can hold her breath for FIVE minutes

Meet the real life mermaid who swims with jellyfish and can hold her breath under water for up to five minutes

Linden Wolbert travels the world as a full time professional mermaid and uses her custom-made 6ft tail to propel her through the water.

The 32-year-old freediver and model can swim to depths of 115ft and uses her skills to promote ocean conservation and education.

Linden, from Los Angeles, California, said: 'I grew up as a water baby. My parents are both competitive swimmers.

'I always looked forward to going to the ocean for our summer vacation. I had a magnetism to the water.

'I've kind of always been a freediver but didn't realise the sport existed until ten years ago. Shortly thereafter, I when began training.

'Free diving is 70 per cent psychological. You have to be very calm and at ease in the water.'

Real-life mermaid: Linden Wolbert, 32, uses her own custom-made tail to swim in Jelly Fish Lake in Palau, where the jelly fish have lost their sting, making it safe for her to swim among them

Breathtaking: Linden, 32, from Los Angeles, swims with whale sharks using the 6ft-long hydro-dynamic tail she had made by a Hollywood props specialist

Fantasy: Linden says she always dreamed of becoming a mermaid after growing up with films like The Little Mermaid and Splash - but it didn't become reality until she got to know Hollywood special effects artist Allan Holt

Natural beauty: Linden on a dive at the Rock Islands in Palau

Freediving: Linden, who can hold her breath underwater for up to five minutes, says that because she does not create bubbles like divers using breathing apparatus, sea creatures are less timid - and even swim calmly up to her

Linden always dreamed of becoming a mermaid after growing up watching films like The Little Mermaid and Splash but it didn't become a reality until she got to know Hollywood special effects artist Allan Holt.

They spent seven months working on the 35lb tail, which was made from a fibreglass mould of Linden's body.

It involved sealing a monofin inside high-quality silicone to make it hydro-dynamic and effective in the water.

The thousands of fish scales were painstakingly sculpted individually by hand out of clay before they were duplicated in fibreglass and then the final mould was injected with silicone.

The whole project cost around £10,000 to complete.

Linden said: 'I was introduced to Allan through a friend. He wanted my advice for an underwater music video. I happened to mention I'd always wanted a mermaid tail but had no idea where to begin.

Peaceful: Since being cut off from the Pacific Ocean, jelly fish numbers have multiplied in Jelly Fish Lake, thanks to the fact they now have no predators

Aquatic paradise: Linden in Jellyfish Lake on the island of Palau, which used to be connected to the Pacific Ocean. Since being cut off, it has become home to millions of jellyfish because they have no risk of predators. The 12,000 year-old lake is the only place in the world where you can swim safely among them

Liberating: 'I love the feeling of freedom and weightlessness in the water,' Linden says. 'It's such a different sensation. It's very dream-like'

Adventurous: 'I've been diving with sharks. With my tail, I'm longer than most of them. Many people think I'm crazy to swim with sharks but I'm always surrounded by an incredible safety team'

Stunning: The 32-year-old freediver and model can swim to depths of 115ft and uses her skills to promote ocean conservation and education

'Allan said he'd help me straight away.

'We set a budget at the start but then things happened. It ended up being way over but it was worth it.'My friends and family were all there the first time I used it in the water. I couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't believe it was finally happening.'

In some of these amazing images, Linden is seen swimming in Jellyfish Lake on the island of Palau, which used to be connected to the Pacific Ocean.

Since it has been cut off, it has become home to millions of jellyfish because they have no risk of predators. The 12,000 year-old lake is the only place in the world where you can swim safely among them - because the sea creatures have lost their sting.

Linden visited the lake, which is popular with snorkellers, during a two-week trip to the island. She said: 'I had been on a dive that day and had left my tail drying. I always bring it with me wherever I go.

'A man came over to me and asked if I was the mermaid that went in the tail. I said yes and he told me his wife was a photographer and would love to photograph me.

Natural talent: Full-time mermaid Linden Wolbert says she was destined for her role given that both her parents are competitive swimmers. Linden now travels the world as a professional mermaid working as a ocean conservationist

'It sounded like a great idea so we got a boat out to the lake. It was so perfect. It was the coolest thing being surrounded by these golden pulsating creatures.'

The images were taken by diver and underwater photographer Wendy Capili-Wilkie, who lives on the island.

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[www.keralites.net] Khatte-mitten khabhrain from around the world for 14/4/13

 

Fact of the matter…

 

Did you know that playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII?  If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape…

 

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Tongue very much in cheek…

 

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door…

 

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To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so!

 

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From the world of medical science…

 

Kidney disorders linked to stomach fat.

 

Carrying excess weight around the abdomen is linked toan increased risk of kidney disease, a study suggests.   It is already known that being "apple-shaped", as opposed to "pear-shaped", added to the risk of developing a heart problem.  Having a higher waist-to-hip ratio was associated with lower kidney function, reduced kidney blood flow and higher blood pressure in the kidneys.

 

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Bras may do more harm than good!

 

Wearing a bra does nothing to reduce back pain and weakens the muscles that hold up the breasts, resulting in greater breast sagging, Jean-Denis Rouillon, a sports science expert from University of Besaneon, France, reported after a 15-year study.  Women who never wore bras had nipples on average seven millimeters higher in relation to their shoulders each year than regular bra users, showed the study of women aged between 18 and 35 years.  It also found that when young women stopped wearing a bra, there was no deterioration in the orientation of their breasts.  Simply put, it did not make their breasts sag.

 

(Me: hmmm. The multi-billion-dollar biz bra makers wouldn't take kindly to the findings..)

 

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Health tips…

 

Weight training is helpful for diabetics since it helps the muscles utilize more sugar.

 

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How Indian American kids win the spelling bee contest, so boringly routinely…

 

Aseem Chhabra, a PIO journalist in US, writes in Mumbai Mirror 14/4/13,,,

Spellers bee-ware!

 

Competitors in the Scripps National Spelling Bee will now also be tested on their vocabulary.

 

In the riveting Oscar winning documentary Spellbound (2002), a young Indian American kid Neil Kadakia goes through intense spelling bee training fueled by his highly competitive father.  At times, it seems all the learning is of little consequence to him – he is doing it for his father.  His win would be more feather in the cap of the already successful Indian American businessman…

 

The organizing body behind the contest has changed its plans.  Starting this year, in addition to spelling words correctly, the young competitors will also be tested on what the words mean…  No word on how the Indian American parents – many who have pinned all their ambitions on their kids' successes this year and in the future, have reacted to the change.

 

The frequent wins also show the big flaw in how some Indian American parents raise their children, throwing them into an unreal competition at an early aage, and robbing them of their children, the simple pleasure that kids get from hanging out with friends after school in sports fields, malls, playing video games, having crushes on their classmates, going out on dates and so much more.

 

There has been much analysis about why Indian American kids have been doing so well in the completion.  The most obvious answer is that the rote memorization method is very familiar to the first generation Indian Americans – the parents who convince their children to participate in the competition.

 

(Me: Hitting the nail on the head.  And rote-learning is how EVERY Indian kid passes his exam!  He author of this piece has breached this topic for the second time…)

 

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Weird world…  Only in America…

 

US man starts luxury hotel for chicken..

 

New York: Bill Bezuk, owner of Eugene Backyard Farmer in Eugene, Oregon, used to offer a chicken sitting service, but when it became too tiring, he thought of a luxury chicken hotel.

 

Bezuk named it The Nest, and for now there are two suits.  The Blue Andalusian and the Gold Compine.  The basic service – fresh food, water and a place to sleep – costs $2 (about Rs.110) per chicken per night.  For a dollar more, he offers deluxe accommodation, organic food and fresh vegetable scraps.

 

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Man immolates self in bus over fare tiff…

 

Amravati (Maharashtra): A passenger in a state transport bus set himself on fire, even as the bus continued to ply, over an argument with the conductor on the ticket fare.   Reportedly, the passenger was drunk…

 

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A tongue in cheek quotable quote from the redoubtable and fiesty Late Margaret Thatcher.  To a scribe's poser: "Tell me, PM, when do you agree and when do you refuse to give an interview?"

 

She: "That's a fascinating question.  When I'm in trouble, when things are going wrong and people are questioning whether we've got the answers, I give all the interviews I can because I need to convince people that my government is in control and on target"

 

"Oh" replied the journo, assuming that was it and unaware there was more to come.

 

"Wait" Mrs. Thatcher continued.  "I'm not finished.  When things are swimming along, when the government's policies are working and people are re-assured I shut up.  Because, then, if I speak there's a good chance I'll put my foot in my mouth and create my own problems!"

 

**

 

Banta starts shouting in a store…

 

"Where is my free gift with this butter?"

 

Shopkeeper: "There is nothing free with this."

 

Banta: "But it says here 'Cholesterol free'."

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[www.keralites.net] Excel: How to create A drop-down list

 

If you're creating a worksheet that will require user input and you want to minimize data entry errors, use Excel's data validation feature to add a drop-down list. The best part about it is that you don't have to write any macros.

Data validation is an excellent way to ensure that a cell entry is of the proper data type (text, number, or date) and within the proper numeric range. The drop-down list produced with the feature appears when a user clicks the cell.

Here's how to create a drop-down list:

1. Type the list of valid entries in a single column. If you like, you can hide this column (select Format, Column, Hide).
2. Select the cell or cells that will display the list of entries.
3. Choose Data, Validation, and select the Settings tab.
4. From the Allow drop-down list, select List.
5. In the Source box, enter a range address or a reference to the items that you entered in step 1.
6. Make sure the 'In-cell dropdown' box is selected.
7. Click OK.

If your list is short, you can skip step 1 and type the list entries directly in the Source box in step 5, separating items with a comma.

The Data Validation dialog box has two other tabs. Click Input Message to add a prompt that will appear when a user selects a cell. Click Error Alert to specify a custom error message if the user's entry is invalid.

The handy data validation feature suffers from one serious flaw. If you paste an entry into a cell that uses data validation, the validation isn't performed. And if you select that cell again, the drop-down list no longer appears. Fortunately, you can circumvent this problem by protecting the worksheet: Select Tools, Protection, Protect Sheet.

http://spreadsheetpage.com/index.php/tip/create_a_drop_down_list_of_possible_input_values/

M Junaid Tahir www.DailyTenMinutes.com

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