[www.keralites.net] 10 Reasons Why You're Not Ready for Marriage

 

Have all the celebrity marriages happening around and the wedding season got you tempted to tie the knot? Marriage is a wonderful institution, no doubt. But the high rate of divorce nowadays makes us believe that marriage is not for everyone. We believe that prevention is better than cure and hence, we list out ten signs that will help you realise if you are ready for marriage or not.

There's not enough trust between you two.
Trust is the most important aspect of a successful marriage. If trusting your partner completely doesn't come easily to you, it's best you stay away from marriage.

You always want your way.
You will never have a successful marriage unless you have a willingness to compromise. You could either be a selfish person and have everything your way or be selfless and focus on your loved one. If you choose to go with the former choice, marriage is not a good idea for you.

Your vitals don't match.
By vitals, we mean your values, personality type and common goals. If you're heading to the altar without your relationship vitals in place, your marriage could turn out to be a big disaster.

You are being pressurised.
Indian parents are known to pressurise their kids into marriage once they turn a certain age. But, whether it's your parents or peers, don't ever take the plunge unless you yourself are certain about marriage

You are not se*ually attracted to him.
He may be the most amazing and understanding guy you know. But, if he is not able to get your heart racing, your marriage will lack one of the most important ingredients.


You are battling an addiction or mental health condition.
A study showed that marriages that comprised a partner who was battling an addiction didnt last for too long. So, if you're an alcoholic, drug addict or have any other addiction, get treated before you take the plunge.


It's not only about you two.
Marriage also brings together families and circles of friends of the couple. So before taking the big step ask yourself at what cost are you in this relationship? If you have to give up your family or friends, the cost is too high.


Your mind and heart wanders.
If you have even 10% of doubt that you could do better or someone better could be around the corner, marriage is not for you. Marry a person only if you are 100% sure about them and you know they are the best for you and your life.


You don't like anyone invading your space.
We all need our space and alone time. But, if you crave for your own space all the time and can't stand another person in your room or house, then it's best you stay away from marriage.

ISMAIL CHOHAN

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[www.keralites.net] a message....

 

My mother used to ask me what the most important part of the body is. Through the years I would take a guess at what I thought was the correct Answer. When I was younger, I thought sound was very important to us as humans, so I said, 'My ears, Mommy.' She said, 'No. Many people are deaf. But you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again soon.' Several years passed before she asked me again. Since making my first attempt, I had contemplated the correct answer. So this time I told her, 'Mommy, sight is very important to everybody, so it must be our eyes.' She looked at me and told me, 'You are learning fast, but the answer is not correct because there are many people who are blind.' Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge and over the years, Mother asked me a couple more times and always her answer was, 'No. But you are getting smart erevery year, my child.' Then one year, my grandfather died. Everybody was hurt. Everybody was crying. Even my father cried. I remember that especially because it was only the second time I saw him cry. My Mom looked at me when it was our turn to say our final good-bye to my Grandfather. She asked me, 'Do you know the most important body part yet, my dear?' I was shocked when she asked me this now. I always thought this was a game between her and me. She saw the confusion on my face and told me, 'This question is very important. It shows that you have really lived in your life. For every body part you gave me in the past, I have told you were wrong and I have given you an example why. But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson.' She looked down at me as only a mother can. I saw her eyes well up with tears. She said, 'My dear, the most important body part is your shoulder.' I asked, 'Is it because it holds up my head?' She replied, 'No, it is because it can hold the head of a friend or a loved one when they cry. Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometime in life, my dear. I only hope that you have enough love and friends that you will always have a shoulder to cry on when you need it.' Then and there I knew the most important body part is not a selfish one. It is made for others and not for yourself. It is sympathetic to the pain of others. People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will NEVER forget how you made them feel. The origination of this letter is unknown, but it brings a blessing to everyone who passes it on.

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[www.keralites.net] Malayalam Songs for Kids (1 - 5yrs)

 

Dear Friends,

Can you please suggest the best Kids Songs from Malayalam / English Movies / Album.

It should be such a songs that they like to enjoy / sing or dance to its tune. Also songs that mothers sing to their kids..

For example:
Annara Kanna Vaa - from the movie "Bhramaram"
Chan Jadi Yadi Urangu Nee - from the movie "Makalkku"
Aqua - Barbie Girl

Please help me to get a good collection.

Dixon
dxndxb@gmail.com

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[www.keralites.net] Effective Communication for strong influence and healthy relationship

 

You might have experienced misunderstanding in family or official life on several occasions. The reason is obvious that either of the person didn't state his/her stance in clear fashion or perceive it clearly. So where does the fault lie and how can we improve? Let us study the below recommendations which need to be considered by Communicator or Listener in order to have solid common understanding and avoid communication gaps.

1. Improve vocabulary: Every word has its own deep meanings. For example there is a difference between 'Hate' and 'Dislike'. Likewise, there is a difference between 'Should' and 'Must'. To enhance vocabulary you should learn new words and understand the meanings of synonyms and antonyms as well. You can use online dictionaries or built-in features of MS Word (right click on a word to know synonyms/antonyms.

2. Listen carefully and listen more. If you listen more you are absorbing more and improving your level of comprehension. If you speak more you are on the verge of confusing others. So listen more and speak less. And when you speak, speak slowly and softly. Ask if you have communicated clearly or more elaboration is required.
3.If you don't understand something, ask for elaboration. It is said that "If you doubt at first, doubt again and clear it"

4. Put yourself in others' shoes to understand their perspective. Think win-win. Analyze the situation from everyone's perspective. Consider all the stake holders and consider their emotions. Develop Emotional Intelligence skill. Google it today.

5. If you are writing Emails/Letters/Fax then re-read after you are done with typing. Considering point-4 while you review your article. You can ask someone to comment on what you have written.

6.Avoid hard words to avoid bad taste: For example instead of saying 'Rejected' use the word 'Not Approved'. When you say No, you should sound as if you wanted to say Yes but due to specific issue you can't say yes. So if that issue is addressed, you will be saying Yes and Saying Approved.

7.Avoid too many arguments. Convince or get convinced. If things gets complicated, take a break engage some well-wishers to assist resolve the matter.

Further, I would recommend understanding Berlos Model of Communication. As per him, there are 4 factors which can ensure strong communication if considered properly. These are Source, Message, Channel & Receiver. By source he means that the speaker needs to have good communication skills, positive attitude, has understanding of cultural aspects and proper knowledge on the subject. By Message he means that the speaker has to use mature and to-the-point wordings. By Channel means that correct medium at correct time (phone call, physical appearance, email, fax) to be used. By Receiver he means that Receiver needs to understand the message clearly. The Receiver's level of understanding, attitude and Listening skills matter a lot.

Conclusion: Effective Communication is an indication of your wisdom and maturity level and is critically important to enhance your personal and professional relationship. Developing this habit will improve your bonds with your friends, colleagues and family members so start working on this starting today

What are your thoughts on how to improve communication skills in day to day life?

Article Reference: 0017-mjunaidtahir-paradigmwisdom-07Mar12- Effective Communication for strong influence and healthy relationship

M Junaid Tahir

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